Blog

Not Less

I'm frustrated and anxious today.

Separating isn't easy.

New realities to face, as you're ready to face them; it's like as soon as you face and overcome one, not long after the next one is there waiting. I couldn't imagine facing all of them at once though.

Today I'm trying to finish separating our joint bank account. I'm feeling limited financially (cue anxiety). I'm thinking about how naive I was. How much I trusted, without any hint of doubt that things wouldn't work out. That I never considered that this, separating bank accounts, would ever happen.

You Get What You [Focus On]

I went for a bike ride the other morning. I have a bike attachment so that I can take my dog, Sophie, with me without having to hold on to her leash. When we first get going on the bike Sophie takes off like a rocket and runs full speed for about 1/2 km and then we settle in to a rhythm.

Choices

Even when we think we “have no choice” , that thought is a choice. It’s more than likely that it’s a difficult choice that we don’t want to make, but we have a choice to not make that choice.

What Gives Me Hope

That I can make a difference.

That nothing happens for a reason; that I can undo wrongs and make people’s lives better than what I was given.

That people are good. That I can keep learning/evolving into a more whole person.

That I can keep giving better, that I can move forward bit by bit. That I am not simple.

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Life is rough sometimes, but we don’t have to be.

I am going through a lot right now and I wanted to get it out, out of my head, and either try to make sense of it or vent - that will depend on the day I guess - but really what I believe is that even in the shittiest of circumstances, there is an up side. Something to be learned, a take away. It is also a process before getting there, with frustration, anger and sadness in between, but if you can end up on the up side then none of it is a waste.