I’m doing my best.

I’m a Mom. I think I give the important stuff; acceptance, love, understanding, a listening ear. With everything going on and giving to everyone all the time, I drained myself.

I’m trying to heal, and that means I’ve got my nose in a couple of books - because that’s how I know how to feel better (eventually), learn; Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and Boundaries. I started Boundaries yesterday and had to put in down before the end of the first chapter, because it’s me. No boundaries. Nowhere.

The first chapter describes what it looks, and feels like, to live with no boundaries; tired, drained, empty, guilty. Reading it is making my head hurt.

I haven’t been setting boundaries with anyone, which is why I’m so drained - I’ve got nothing left for now. So yeah, I want to heal. I have a whole life to live still and I don’t want to be drained all the time. I don’t want the people I love shocked and angry when I say no, I want them to respect/love me for it.

P.S. I haven’t been setting boundaries so Abbie must not know how to either. She’s learning how to be a woman from my example. If I want better for her, which I absolutely do, I have to be better.