I am a broken hearted, happy person. It's heavy sometimes.

Written by Shawna

I am a broken hearted, happy person. It's heavy sometimes.

I see the good in people and in situations. Even tough situations, I look for an upside (that's where the name for my blog comes from). I believe we can learn something from everything that happens, and that's how I live my life. It's heavy sometimes.

I watched an Oprah's Master Class episode yesterday, with Bishop TD Jakes, and there was something he said that stuck with me - "the blessing is in the breaking". I felt that in my soul. Heartbreak - no matter what kind - offers us a chance to reflect. Yes, it breaks us down. It shatters walls and beliefs. For me, it rocks me to my soul, but I always find something there at the bottom of heartbreak that I would not have found had everything gone according to (my) plan. 

I am a student of life. I believe life, and all of its ups and downs, can teach me to be better person. I want to keep being a better person - that's the point right, to learn and grow and become the best versions of ourselves. Part of learning who we are is figuring out that no matter what, things will work out for the best. I have moments where I wholeheartedly believe this, and in those moments things always work out for the best. There are other moments that I have a hard time trusting this, or I want something to be a certain way so badly that I can't let it go and be what it be. Those moments are heavy.

Just like people and things aren't ALL good or ALL bad, life isn't ALL good times or ALL bad times. It's a mixture of everything, ups and downs. The downs used to rock me to my core. I used to feel like a failure, unworthy, not good enough, in those moments. Like I had missed something somewhere along the way and I would never figure it out. What I have figured out though is that the downs are natural. They are an opportunity to practice the belief that things always end up working out exactly as they should. It isn't always the way I would like them to work out, but I'm learning that that's ok. It's ok to not have things go my way. I can still love and learn and grow. And that's honestly when we grow the most - when things are messy and not going our way. It's heavy sometimes though.

I'm a happy person, with a broken heart.